They do not want the family bike ride anymore. They do not want the board game, the hike, the let us all do something together. Their phone is more interesting than you are, most days, and telling them to put it down does not fix that.
This is not a failure of your family. It is what happens at this age. But it does mean the old ways of staying close stop working, right when staying close matters more than ever.
We built these retreats because we needed a way through this stage with our own kids, and the answer was not more family activities. It was different ones.
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Not the games they will roll their eyes at
These are not fun family games. They are built to reach something in a teenager that phones and small talk cannot.
Your child stands in the middle of a circle and falls, sideways, backwards, trusting the hands around them to catch them, every time, in front of people their own age. They walk through a tunnel of arms with their eyes closed, trusting the hands will lift before they reach them. It works because it asks nothing performative of them. No small talk, no pretending to enjoy themselves. Just a body learning, directly, what it feels like to be caught.
We sit in circles with a talking stick, and whoever holds it speaks, uninterrupted, and everyone else simply listens. For a teenager who has spent the year being told what to do and how to feel, being genuinely listened to, without a lecture attached, lands differently than anything at home can.
Their strength, modelled first
We do not tell them to feel something and then step back. We go first.
Grejs walks to the edge of the ice bath before any child does, and gets in. Not because it is easy for her, but because a teenager needs to see an adult choose discomfort on purpose before they will consider it themselves. Yasser leads a haka style exercise, raw, physical, unmistakably intense, the kind of depth work most retreats never go near, let alone with children in the room.
We hit the pillow the hardest when it is our turn. We say, out loud, in front of the group, what we say yes to in our own lives, and what we finally learned to say no to. That is what emotional responsibility actually looks like. Not a lesson about it. A parent living it, in front of their own child.
This is shadow work, done as a family. Adults and teenagers, at the edge of what is comfortable, together. Almost nowhere else does this exist for families, let alone with the kids in the room, not on the sidelines.
Once they have seen us go there first, they find they are willing to go there too.
Why families keep coming back
This is where anger, sadness and joy are all welcome, out loud, teenagers included, and everyone learns how to feel something fully and still come back to love afterward.
- We run these in several languages. English, Dutch, Czech, French, and somehow it all works out.
- We run our family retreats as full weekends, and as single Family Days like this one.
- Some families come once. Others become part of the tribe.
- Some drive from a neighbouring town. Some fly in from as far as Czechia, year after year.
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Two workshops. Take one, or make a day of it.
Playfight
Wrestling, but with rules and with care. Bodies against bodies on the mat, laughing, testing, losing, going again. It is where children find out how strong they are, and where parents find out their child is not made of glass.
Clay
Hands in something cold and wet and completely unimpressed by how your week went. Nobody performs. Nobody explains themselves. Something gets made, and something else quietly loosens while it happens.
Whether you are coming from Brussels or another part of the Netherlands, it is a lovely excuse to discover Leiden and build a whole weekend around it. Bring the bikes, stay an extra night, make a trip of it.
Book a place
€33 per person, per workshop, adults and children alike. Book both and the second one is half price.
Total€99.00
Payment is handled by Stripe, so we never see your card details. The venue in Leiden is being confirmed and comes to you by email as soon as it is fixed.
Everything a parent asks us
My teenager will absolutely refuse to come. What then?
Almost every one of them says that first. What usually works is not selling it. Tell them it is two hours, there is no talking in a circle about feelings unless they want to, and they can watch until they feel like joining. Nobody has ever been dragged in. They come in when they are ready, which is usually about eleven minutes after they said they would not.
What is the actual minimum age?
Ten. Below that the work does not land the way it should, and a younger child in the room changes what the older ones are willing to do. There is no upper limit. We have had seventeen year olds and we have had grandparents.
Is my child forced to speak?
Never. In the circle, the stick can pass straight through their hands without a word. Plenty of teenagers say nothing the whole first time and everything the second time.
Can they opt out of an exercise?
Yes, any of them, at any point, without needing a reason. Sitting at the edge and watching is a completely legitimate way to spend the session. We have seen more than one child watch the whole of playfight and then ask if they can do it again next month.
Playfight sounds like fighting. Is anyone going to get hurt?
No. It has clear rules, a facilitator watching constantly, and a hard stop the moment anyone says stop. No punching, no strikes, nothing near faces. Children discover very quickly that they are stronger and more resilient than everyone has been telling them, which is the point.
Do I stay with my child the whole time?
Yes. This is not a drop off. You are in the room, on the mat, in the circle. That is not a limitation of the format, it is the format. Your child seeing you do it is most of the work.
Is there an ice bath on 15 November?
Not this time. October is playfight in the morning and clay in the afternoon. The ice bath appears at some of our longer retreats, and it is always optional, always after a great deal of warming up, and always with Grejs going first.
What is your phone policy?
Phones stay away. In a basket, in a bag, off. This applies to parents too, which is the part people find harder. It is not a punishment, it is the only way two hours can feel like two hours. Nobody has ever complained at the end.
My child says they will be bored.
They will not be. Boredom needs a gap, and there are not many. But if it happens, it happens in a room full of people their own age, which is a better kind of bored than the one on the sofa at home.
What if my child cries?
Then they cry, and it is completely fine, and nobody makes it a thing. Tears in this room are as ordinary as laughing. Both usually happen in the same two hours.
What if I cry?
Also fine, and more common than you would think. Your child seeing you have a feeling and come out the other side of it is genuinely one of the more useful things that can happen in a day.
Is this therapy?
No. We are not therapists and this is not treatment. It is experiential group work. If your child is in therapy or dealing with something serious, bring it up with their therapist first, and talk to us before you book.
Is it religious or spiritual?
No. There is nothing to believe and nobody to worship. There is a drum, there are circles and there is a talking stick, because those things work on human beings and always have. Bring your scepticism, it is welcome and it will not be argued with.
We are two parents and three children. Can we come as five?
Yes. Price is per person, so a family of five doing both workshops comes to €247.50. If that puts it out of reach, write to us. We would rather have you there.
Can I come without my child, or send my child without me?
Neither, sorry. The whole thing works because you are both in the room. A parent alone is welcome at our other experiences, and a child alone is something we do not do.
What should we wear and bring?
Clothes you can move and roll around in, and that you do not mind getting clay on. Layers, since bodies get warm and then cool. Water. Socks. That is it.
Is food included?
Not on 15 November. There are two hours between the two workshops, and Leiden has no shortage of places to eat. We will send suggestions along with the venue details.
What language is it in?
English is the working language, but between us we cover Dutch, Czech and French, and we switch when someone needs it. Children in particular tend to get spoken to in whatever reaches them fastest.
Where exactly in Leiden?
We are confirming the venue. Book now and it comes to you by email as soon as it is fixed, well before the day.
What if we cannot make it after all?
Write to us at welcome@thebreathworkclub.nl. Up to seven days before, we will move you to another date or refund you. Inside seven days we will do our best, but the room is already paid for.
Will there be photographs of my child?
Sometimes, and never without asking you first. If you would rather not, tell us on the day and we will make sure your family stays out of frame. Nothing goes anywhere public without a parent saying yes.
My child has additional needs. Can they join?
Very possibly, and we would rather talk it through than guess. Email us with a little about your child and we will tell you honestly whether this particular room is the right one.
You are in good hands
Lived, not learned.
Nearly four decades of EU policy and entrepreneurship between us. Two decades of training in how the body actually holds stress, and how to release it. Our real master teachers are our four kids and our relationship.
We built these retreats because we needed them ourselves, with our own teenagers, in our own house. Nothing here is theory.
You do the walking. We just know the road.
Keep me posted
We run these a few times a year, in different places. Leave your details and you will hear about the next one first.